Right ok tonight I am angry, upset, dissapointed, hurt, fed up, lonely - all in all HACKED OFF!
As some of you know I am acting as my fathers carer as well as trying to hold down a full time job.
My father does not have the best of health having already suffered 4 TIA's (mild strokes) and 2 heart attacks. He suffers with arthritis, is an insulin dependant diabetic and to cap it all off appears to be starting with Alzheimers to boot.
Two weeks ago he was admitted to Good Hope Hospital in a sorry state having forgotten to take his insulin for three weeks.
Ok so I should have spotted this a lot earlier than I did, but ask anyone who knows dad and they will tell you he would report a clean bill of health and feeling as fit as a fiddle even if he had a knife sticking out of his chest.
Anyway. On Monday just gone I had arranged a meeting with the District Nurse and his Diabetic Nurses at dad's house to discuss a way forward to keep dad fit and healthy - a care plan if you like.
The result of the meeting was positive with the Diabetic team agreeing a plan for his insulin and the District Nurses team agreeing to go to his house every evening at 6pm to supervise his insulin injection. Sadly they cannot provide a morning person as Dad takes his insulin at 7am and the nurses dont start till 9am. So it was left to me to sort out the morning supervision myself.
I admit this wasnt something that I relished the idea of - going to his every morning at 7 am, but something I accepted was necessary.
Then on Thursday I took dad to see his GP who has put him forward for some tests with the mental and brain injury team to look at his short term memory loss. Which is also a step forward.
However.
I overslept this morning so I didnt go. Dad phoned me at 10 ish to inform me he'd done his injection and all was well but the reading was a tad high.
I went over to see him this afternoon and discovered that yes he'd taken his insulin but he had forgot to take his pills - one of which is also used to control his diabeties along with injections.
Ok so again my fault I should have gone as soon as Id got up.
This evening I took dad out for his annual school reunion lunch over in Walsall. I was going to drop him off and his brother would bring him home.
It was aboslutly pooring down with rain during the journey and so I had my wipers on - dad instructed me to turn them off as they were noisy.
He was then un happy with the volume of traffic on the roads
Now I didn't have to give up two hours to take him tonight. I did it because he doesnt like driving at night and I thought it would help him.
You know I sometimes wonder why I bother?? I mean is all this trouble worth it??
I love dad. I love him dearly but he has two sons. The eldest of which cannot be even bothered to phone him in the evening to see how things are.
I am angry at my brother for not helping me or his dad in any shape or form.
I am uspet that dad is as poorly as he is.
I am dissapointed that I et this get to me.
I am hurt that dad had a go at me in the car.
I am fed up at doing all this alone.
I dont want to be lonely anymore. I want people to turn up out of the blue. I want people to understand how this is totally messing up my head.
Sorry.
Ive turned my phone off
Please do NOT try to contact me I will NOT answer.
